i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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