my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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