Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
