Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
