you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
