I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
