i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
