dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
operation harelip BJ is a go
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
