then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
