the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sarcasm needs its own font
No more Irish car bombs ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
