I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
