There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
