I am spending my child support on dildos
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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