He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
