Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
