I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
