i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
