How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
