hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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