I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
