Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
