i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
