69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
