I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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