Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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