dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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