My boss' voice literally gives me gas
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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