He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize