It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
