I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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