mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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