I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
