i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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