Do you still have your period?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
