I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
