I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
