I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
