Midget sex pt 2 tonight
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize