OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
