I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
3pm strippers are depressing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
