i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
