some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
