hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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