there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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