The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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