She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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