i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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