A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
