I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
