I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
