I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There are leaves in my underwear?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
