Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
