If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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