Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
