You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
