Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
