I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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