I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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