So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
