Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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