I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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