I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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