The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
