He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
