She is in my trunk
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
