I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
