dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
