Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
