I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
