I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought