I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
she peed on how many people?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax