i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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