I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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