Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
