I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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