you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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