i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
