matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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