Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
